Since I have been on a journey to become my authentic self and love myself more, I have noticed big changes in some of my relationships. Over the years people get used to the way that you always behave and of course a pattern is formed. When you change your pattern it can become unsettling for others, and also for you as you see their reactions.
I rceently had a disgreement with my mother, and whilst it was not about a serious issue, I could tell that she was quite annoyed. Her annoyance would usually be my queue to not say anything else and also for me to ensure that I change the subject and switch my behaviour to being more pleasing. However now that I am more conscious of my behaviour I am not willing to do that. I am always respectful to my Mum, but if I know that I have not done anything then I am no longer willing to stress myself out wondering why someone else is annoyed with me. In the past if I felt that my Mum was annoyed and giving me the silent treatment it would have made me feel really anxious and I would have had to try and clear the air regardless of if I was in the wrong or not.
If anxiety arises in me I sit with it and work out what is causing the anxiety; I allow the feeling to flow through my body. I do not stuff the emotion, or tell myself that I am being silly, I feel it and then move on.
It is really liberating to not feel as though I have to chase people around asking them why they are not speaking to me. If they have a problem and would like to discuss it then I will be happy to talk things through, but I am not willing to initiate the conversation about a problem that is not my own in the hope of settling things. The fact that I can allow people to sort out their own problems and discuss them with me when they are ready lets me know how far I have come in my codependency recovery. I am not dependent on someone elses views of me, and they are entitled to have their opinion of me also.
I am enjoying the journey of getting to know myself more.
The Anonymous Golden Child 