Codependents often come from dysfunctional homes where they do not feel seen or heard. They have been victims of childhood abuse either emotional, physical or both, and suffered from being ignored, harshly criticised, abandoned, left in compromising situations and generally have felt unprotected. As a result of this their needs went unmet, and they had to become creative and deny their true self in order to survive.
When you fast forward to adulthood this is where people pleasing can kick in, along with putting the needs of others ahead of your own, and being hypervigilant. I believe that being in a state of hypervigilance allows the codependent to feel as though they have control over their environment because they are highly sensitive and quickly perceive any hidden dangers. However the problem with this is that they may see danger when there is none there. This may happen when they are judging the situation through the eyes of their inner child. This high sensitivity to the emotions of others can also be linked with empaths, but you can be empathic without a history of abuse and trauma, unlike codependency.
Unfortunately codependents usually attract partners who display similar dysfunctional characteristics to either their parents or early caregivers, which means that they will be criticised, mistreated, belittled, abused, controlled and ultimately rejected. Of course every relationship is different but there does tend to be a pattern of abuse if an unhealed codependent is with a manipulative partner. This partner will ultimately trigger the codependent and bring their core beliefs to the surface of not feeling good enough, being anxious, and maybe even feelings of self hatred.
Now that you can see how many layers of dysfunction a codependent can be dealing with at the same time, you can see why it is so important for them to have coping mechanisms in place to deal with stress. Especially during times when there is collective stress on the planet. Just turning on the television or scrolling through your social media page can be very draining with all of the news and videos of violence, injustice and an abundance of fear. Of course you want to be informed of what is going on in the world but there needs to be balance and you need to be able to shut off, rather than continuously tuning into the news and allowing it to drain your energy and lower your vibration. During times of collective stress I believe that it is of great importance to keep your frequency high, as like attracts like.
In times of stress, overwhelm, or feeling drained from picking up the energy of others it can be helpful to do the following:
- Keep your Mind in the Present When we become overwhelmed it is usually accompanied with us either drifting into the past, or with our mind making a whole movie about the future, which may never happen. It is rare that we experience as much stress and anxiety if we focus on what is taking place in the present moment.
- Remember “We Can Do Hard Things” which is a quote by Glennon Doyle Sometimes when we feel anxious and drained it can be because we are looking at the situation through the eyes of our inner child. When this happens, again it is important to become present, and also to know that you are now an adult and you can do hard things. You can reclaim your power and autonomy that may have been taken in childhood, and also be gentle with your inner child by offering a feeling of comfort and reassurance that things will be fine going forward.
- Move your Body- Walking, yoga, dancing, swimming, jogging or an exercise class are great ways to ensure that your mind is present and you begin clearing stagnant energy from your body. Exercise is also a great way to ground your energy. When you are codependent or empathic you can spend a lot of time in the mind, thinking about the past or future and burning lots of mental energy. When you are in your mind all day it is very easy for your energy to stop being grounded. Walking barefoot and connecting with nature is also a great way to ground yourself.
- Take a Moment to Detach- If you can feel that your energy is being drained then you are entitled to take the time to detach. Take some time away from your screen, or mobile device, silence your notifications and take some time to be in tune with your own energy without any input from anyone else.
- Take Deep Breaths- Throughout the day your breathing can become very shallow without you being conscious of it. Being mindful of your breaths throughout the day and really focusing on doing a deep inhale and exhale are excellent for flushing your body and mind.
I hope that these tips help you during these times when it is so easy to lose your balance and become unfocused. I would love to hear what other methods you may use to keep your vibration high.
The Anonymous Golden Child 