Changes to Expect when Becoming Your Authentic Self

I believe that becoming your authentic self is one of our main reasons for being on this planet. Know and truly loving yourself is the best foundation to have, and then from that basis the rest of your life can be built. For most people we were not able to be our authentic self from childhood because we had parents who had unhealed wounds and in turn they projected those wounds on to us.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

E.E Cummings

If you do not feel seen or heard as a child this creates trauma. If you had to abandon your true self as a child in order to receive the love and attention that you craved, this was damaging. Denying the true self over a period of time creates layers of a false self. Eventually we identify with this false self believing that it is who we are. It takes a lot of self work to dig beneath these layers and connect with the authentic self.

If you keep hiding your true self, your life becomes like slow death. Once you become free from the lies and the hiding of yourself, then life becomes vibrant again.

Ziggy Marley

In a busy world that is full of distractions it has never been easier to keep yourself entertained and avoid going within. The good news is that it is never too late to heal and become the person that you were destined to be when you were born. Your true self is always within waiting for you to connect, when you begin to awaken and you get in tune with it, the people in your life may not be so welcoming of the changes that follow.

Relationships Change

This does not mean that you will need to change your circle but you may find that some people are not willing to accept that changes that you make. People generally do not like change, it can make them feel uncomfortable and in some cases they may even feel judged, but it is not your responsibility to change how they feel.

When I began to follow a plant based diet many years ago, it was a change that my friends accepted and made provisions for me at parties and social gatherings, but my family were not so welcoming of the idea. I was told that I was being weird and that my diet was not balanced or healthy enough. I spent countless hours trying to convince them that my diet was healthy, but looking back I can see that I was wasting my time. I did not need to do that, what I eat as an adult is my own choice. I did not have boundaries in place at the time, and as you know family is often the hardest to set boundaries with.

This example shows you that even a decision as personal as what you eat can become a topic of conversation that others will try to convince you differently. You do not need to explain yourself excessively, you can just place a boundary with love and not discuss the matter if you do not want to.

People Will Test your Boundaries

As you continue to evolve and appreciate your self worth and the fact that you have the right to out boundaries in place to make your life as comfortable as you can, people will test those boundaries. If you have personality disordered individuals in your life, for example narcissistic parents or spouse, these boundaries will be tested more than you could ever have imagined. The main thing is that you need to remain firm and ensure that you keep your boundaries in place. Boundaries are not selfish, they are actually an act of self love and with healthy boundaries in place it enables you to show up as a more loving spouse, parent, son or daughter.

It is not always the case that if you remain firm with your boundaries people will eventually respect them. Some people will continue to disrespect your boundaries and disregard them, but in this case you will need to decide if the relationship needs more distance. You may need to distance yourself from this person, they are not obligated to change their behaviour, but you are obligated to do what is best for you.

People will tell you that you have changed

The ‘You have changed’, or ‘you used to be so much fun, what happened’ can often leave you feeling as though you are doing something wrong and wondering if you need to go back to how things were. However if you are ever in a moment of self doubt it is important to remember that if things do not change then they die. We are on this planet to evolve and become the best version of ourselves. You are not obligated to stay the same just so that someone else can feel comfortable.

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

Oscar Wilde

Becoming your authentic self is a journey and not a destination because whilst we are on this planet there are lessons to learn and changes that take place. Change is not always easy but it is necessary. Its worthwhile taking some time to reflect on whether or not you respect the changes that others make. Do you offer unsolicited advice about changes that someone is making? Its easy to do, but when you become mindful of these habits it is then possible to change them if they no longer serve you or others.


Published by C J Anonymous

I have started this blog to share my journey through narcissistic abuse and beyond, and to help others who may have been through similar experiences. I also wanted to share the things that have helped me to heal from codependency. As a mother it became of paramount importance to me to ensure that unconscious generational patterns were not passed down to my children. Narcissism and codependency runs through my family of origin, and whilst I have learned that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I know that I can learn and improve myself daily and show up as an example to my children. There is a wealth of information about narcissism and codependency and yet everyone has a unique story to tell. Other's that shared their stories, helped me to see that I was not alone in a toxic family, or an abusive relationship and I did not have to be the victim, I could reclaim my power and change my life around. My hope is to help others who may feel as though they are the victim, suffer from low self-esteem, or believe that someone else has power over them. It can sometimes be a small quote, or one blog post that resonates with someone and starts their healing journey.

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