Why You Should Stop Speaking to People out of Obligation.

We have heard many times that the experiences that take place in our lives from the ages of 0-7 can have a profound effect on the adult that we become, but we sometimes forget the extent of that. If you grew up in a home that was enmeshed, had weak boundaries, or your boundaries and privacy were violated then you can gradually lose touch with your true self. As a child you needed the approval of your parents and to some extent it may have felt like your life depended on it, but as an adult you must realise that you no longer ‘need’ anyone’s approval. We are social creatures so of course there may be times when you ‘want’ the approval of others but the need to have it, as an adult, is purely from the mind and built up on beliefs that you have developed over the years.

The need for approval, lack of boundaries, or a weak connection with our true selves are some of the reasons that we make decisions, as adults, that do not serve our highest good. We continue to speak to people who do not truly resonate with us, or continue friendships when we no longer have anything in common with the person and do not really like them that much anymore: however admitting this may make you feel like a bad person. Below I have listed some reasons why you should stop speaking to people out of obligation:

  1. We only have a limited time on this planet and it is to be spent how and with whom we choose. If you make the decision to stop speaking to someone, for example a long term friend that you went to school or college with, you may receive lots of unsolicited advice from others about why you should continue speaking to the person, or told that you do not want to “throw” years of friendship away. This is when you have to stand strong in your decision if you feel that it is best for you.
  2. Spending time with people out of obligation goes against what you truly feel in your heart. Energy cannot lie, and if you have a feeling coming from your heart which says that this person is no longer for you, then you should listen to it. You may even have this feeling when you are around a parent or a sibling, and whilst you may not want to stop speaking to them entirely this is an indication that you need to put stronger boundaries in place in order to protect yourself.
  3. Being around people who do not resonate with you can really drain your energy.
  4. As Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. If you have decided to make changes in your life and you see that there is no room for this growth in some of your friendships, it is within your right to stop speaking to them. You cannot stifle your growth in order to please someone else.
  5. Just as you spring clean your home and your closet, to clear the air and make room for the new, the same thing needs to be done in your life. Holding on to old friendships takes up time and space that could be devoted to someone who is adding to your life rather than taking away.

Let go

Or be dragged.

Zen proverb

It takes time to make changes in your life that are in line with the person that you are but it is time well spent. Change is one of the only things that are guaranteed in life, and if you resist change it occurs anyway, but it is not as beautiful as it could be. Energy that does not flow freely becomes stagnant and creates blocks in the body. Make the decision to remove those people from your life who stagnate your flow.


Published by C J Anonymous

I have started this blog to share my journey through narcissistic abuse and beyond, and to help others who may have been through similar experiences. I also wanted to share the things that have helped me to heal from codependency. As a mother it became of paramount importance to me to ensure that unconscious generational patterns were not passed down to my children. Narcissism and codependency runs through my family of origin, and whilst I have learned that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I know that I can learn and improve myself daily and show up as an example to my children. There is a wealth of information about narcissism and codependency and yet everyone has a unique story to tell. Other's that shared their stories, helped me to see that I was not alone in a toxic family, or an abusive relationship and I did not have to be the victim, I could reclaim my power and change my life around. My hope is to help others who may feel as though they are the victim, suffer from low self-esteem, or believe that someone else has power over them. It can sometimes be a small quote, or one blog post that resonates with someone and starts their healing journey.

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